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| I had no doubt on this day! |
Doubt gives you insomnia; I was up until the wee hours the other night. Doubt give you headaches; I had a horrible tension headache (still battling that one). Doubt sucks.
I had my very first interview last week since I’ve started applying for jobs in September. I prefer to keep the company confidential, but the position was for sales. I didn’t do very well in the interview. It was pretty hard - a video conference via Skype and a role play selling their products. I’m camera shy, so being in front of a camera was not pleasant. I stressed out all week and did research every night for a few hours and did not “sell” very well - I’m much better in front of customers than that!
After the adrenaline high of the interview wore off, I was left thinking that if they offered the job, I’d take it - just to get out of commuting so much and for the opportunity to bike to work. If they don’t offer me the job, well, that’s fine too. I’m ok with that - it’s just another sales job. And truthfully, I’m not really sure that I want to go back into sales. I found out yesterday that they decided not to move forward with me, so that takes that question out of the picture! But still, doubt is in the back of my mind, “is sales a viable option?” At least I avoided this question by not moving forward in the interview process.
I know I want to get out of my current job. Ironically, just when I’m becoming more valuable to the company, getting more responsibility, higher visibility, more perks, etc and I’m ready to run out the door away from this company. I’m bored. I need a new challenge. And I’m quite exhausted with the corporate culture (that only took 15 months). I just don’t know what the right answer is from here. More doubt. I know I love to help people feel better. It’s corny, but I really want to make a difference in the world. And I can only justify helping the world so far from a cubicle.
Acupuncture is such an attractive answer. I’m stoked to learn more about Chinese Medicine. I cannot wait to take ACTCM’s public class on Understanding Chinese Medicine in January and February. But 3 years ago, I was obsessed with nutrition and wanted to become a registered dietitian (RD). I didn’t make it into grad school - which is awesome because thinking more about it, I wouldn’t want to be a RD as I don’t agree with the American Dietetic Association. So is this some new fascination? I’ve thought about med school, then I talk to my friends who are now residents and they look pretty exhausted. Scratch that. Nursing? Well, it would be pretty challenging to get into a school and my doctor friends tell me the job sucks. Registered Dietitian? Tried that, but thinking afterwards that I’d likely get stuck trying to help people lose weight who really don’t care about their own health. Holistic Health Coach? Interesting, the schooling is *much* less expensive, but marketing yourself afterwards sounds like a bitch and it’s difficult to find clients. I want to empower people to understand their own health. I want to heal. No other profession allows you to do that except Naturopathic Doctors (ND), Acupuncturists and health coaches. I’m thinking the ND route isn’t for me (I want to faint at the thought of doing autopsies on a corpse). Also, it would be nice if the job was at least somewhat steady, I could work part time if I need to (ah, the age when you think you might start having a family in a few years... got to love hormones). And then - voila. I have just now arrived at the interest du jour: acupuncture. Can be done part time, can be well paid and is gaining a lot of respect in the medical community.
But here’s where doubt rears its ugly head: its so expensive! Will I still like it after schooling? How would I have my own practice? It’s 4 years of schooling! Could I still ski on the weekends? Hike and bike in the summer? Will I have enough time to cook dinner in the evenings? Can I ever take a vacation again? Will my husband be ok with all of this? How will it effect us?
I don’t know what I believe, but I don’t really believe in fate, I don’t believe in god(s), I don’t believe in the cosmos, but I do know that when things don’t work out the way you want them to, it’s usually for your own good. Is that energy? Qi? The universe? Who knows. I won’t even attempt to answer this question that has been debated for millenia. What I will address is that when things haven’t worked out in the past, or didn’t go the way I expected, the future always brings new opportunities to life. This has happened to me so many times, so I’m learning to trust *it*. Whatever *it* is. So if I get the a new job in the short term future, I’ll take it for the change. I’ll still explore Chinese Medicine. I’ll sit back and patiently wait (fyi, patience has never been a virtue of mine). It sucks. But its also pretty cool to know that something will change eventually. And hopefully doubt will make its exit or at least diminish to the point where I can make a good decision.
I heard this article on NPR the other evening, on my lucky 50 minute (normally over an hour) commute home about how young people are starting to get into farming (usually organically and sustainably). I love this quote: "It [his love of farming] was born out of a concern for the environment," says Brian Bates, who plans to work at a farm in northern Michigan after he graduates from Penn State. "I spent the first two years of college with one question in mind – basically, how can I have the greatest impact in my life in the world. And the thing that I kept coming back to, that everyone connected to, was food." Because I completely agree with Brian. It does keep coming back to food. And you know what? Chinese Medicine uses food as medicine, which is also a personal philosophy of mine. So, while I’m not passionate about farming, I am about food, my health and the health of others. I want to heal. I want to change the world. Now exit stage left doubt. I have decisions to make!
I had my very first interview last week since I’ve started applying for jobs in September. I prefer to keep the company confidential, but the position was for sales. I didn’t do very well in the interview. It was pretty hard - a video conference via Skype and a role play selling their products. I’m camera shy, so being in front of a camera was not pleasant. I stressed out all week and did research every night for a few hours and did not “sell” very well - I’m much better in front of customers than that!
After the adrenaline high of the interview wore off, I was left thinking that if they offered the job, I’d take it - just to get out of commuting so much and for the opportunity to bike to work. If they don’t offer me the job, well, that’s fine too. I’m ok with that - it’s just another sales job. And truthfully, I’m not really sure that I want to go back into sales. I found out yesterday that they decided not to move forward with me, so that takes that question out of the picture! But still, doubt is in the back of my mind, “is sales a viable option?” At least I avoided this question by not moving forward in the interview process.
I know I want to get out of my current job. Ironically, just when I’m becoming more valuable to the company, getting more responsibility, higher visibility, more perks, etc and I’m ready to run out the door away from this company. I’m bored. I need a new challenge. And I’m quite exhausted with the corporate culture (that only took 15 months). I just don’t know what the right answer is from here. More doubt. I know I love to help people feel better. It’s corny, but I really want to make a difference in the world. And I can only justify helping the world so far from a cubicle.
Acupuncture is such an attractive answer. I’m stoked to learn more about Chinese Medicine. I cannot wait to take ACTCM’s public class on Understanding Chinese Medicine in January and February. But 3 years ago, I was obsessed with nutrition and wanted to become a registered dietitian (RD). I didn’t make it into grad school - which is awesome because thinking more about it, I wouldn’t want to be a RD as I don’t agree with the American Dietetic Association. So is this some new fascination? I’ve thought about med school, then I talk to my friends who are now residents and they look pretty exhausted. Scratch that. Nursing? Well, it would be pretty challenging to get into a school and my doctor friends tell me the job sucks. Registered Dietitian? Tried that, but thinking afterwards that I’d likely get stuck trying to help people lose weight who really don’t care about their own health. Holistic Health Coach? Interesting, the schooling is *much* less expensive, but marketing yourself afterwards sounds like a bitch and it’s difficult to find clients. I want to empower people to understand their own health. I want to heal. No other profession allows you to do that except Naturopathic Doctors (ND), Acupuncturists and health coaches. I’m thinking the ND route isn’t for me (I want to faint at the thought of doing autopsies on a corpse). Also, it would be nice if the job was at least somewhat steady, I could work part time if I need to (ah, the age when you think you might start having a family in a few years... got to love hormones). And then - voila. I have just now arrived at the interest du jour: acupuncture. Can be done part time, can be well paid and is gaining a lot of respect in the medical community.
But here’s where doubt rears its ugly head: its so expensive! Will I still like it after schooling? How would I have my own practice? It’s 4 years of schooling! Could I still ski on the weekends? Hike and bike in the summer? Will I have enough time to cook dinner in the evenings? Can I ever take a vacation again? Will my husband be ok with all of this? How will it effect us?
I don’t know what I believe, but I don’t really believe in fate, I don’t believe in god(s), I don’t believe in the cosmos, but I do know that when things don’t work out the way you want them to, it’s usually for your own good. Is that energy? Qi? The universe? Who knows. I won’t even attempt to answer this question that has been debated for millenia. What I will address is that when things haven’t worked out in the past, or didn’t go the way I expected, the future always brings new opportunities to life. This has happened to me so many times, so I’m learning to trust *it*. Whatever *it* is. So if I get the a new job in the short term future, I’ll take it for the change. I’ll still explore Chinese Medicine. I’ll sit back and patiently wait (fyi, patience has never been a virtue of mine). It sucks. But its also pretty cool to know that something will change eventually. And hopefully doubt will make its exit or at least diminish to the point where I can make a good decision.
I heard this article on NPR the other evening, on my lucky 50 minute (normally over an hour) commute home about how young people are starting to get into farming (usually organically and sustainably). I love this quote: "It [his love of farming] was born out of a concern for the environment," says Brian Bates, who plans to work at a farm in northern Michigan after he graduates from Penn State. "I spent the first two years of college with one question in mind – basically, how can I have the greatest impact in my life in the world. And the thing that I kept coming back to, that everyone connected to, was food." Because I completely agree with Brian. It does keep coming back to food. And you know what? Chinese Medicine uses food as medicine, which is also a personal philosophy of mine. So, while I’m not passionate about farming, I am about food, my health and the health of others. I want to heal. I want to change the world. Now exit stage left doubt. I have decisions to make!
P.S. Here's an amazing and inspirational blog post that has been going around. I like #7 (happens to also be my favorite number... interesting...)
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